Being medicated is the best and the absolute worst.
I take a cocktail of anti-anxiety and anti-depressive drugs on a daily basis to help me deal with the symptoms that come with my PTSD. Most of the time, I’m grateful for them: They’ve helped to numb me, just enough so that I can use the techniques I’ve learned in therapy to help ground myself during a flashback or panic attack. Now that I’m medicated – I refused treatment for years – I’m able to maintain a healthy relationship.
The rage and detachment I’ve experienced these past 20 years have been tamped down far enough that I can empathize, fully, with my wife, friends and colleagues. It’s hard work, sometimes! But I feel healthier than I have in years. A lot of the time, I’m even able to sleep through the night. The paranoia I deal with and the thoughts that refuse to stop tumbling around in my head give way to slumber, most evenings. It’s still a frequent thing for me to wake up, sweat-drenched and alert in the dead of night, but it feels manageable. Before, it was just exhausting and sad.
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