a post by Margarita Tartakovsky for the World of Psychology blog
Gabe Howard’s biggest fear is that his bipolar disorder will get worse. “I’m more worried about the symptoms of bipolar disorder coming back than I am about anything else. Literally anything else. I’ll walk through the streets after midnight in New York City and not be a bit concerned about being attacked – but I’ll be terrified of losing everything to bipolar disorder.”
Elaina J. Martin also fears getting sicker. “I worry I will get in a depression so dark I will become suicidal because it has happened before.” She, too, worries about the mania returning. “Mania is ‘crazy.’ At first it is fun, but then you get out of control.”
Karla Dougherty, a writer who’s penned over 42 books, fears her bipolar II disorder will crush her creativity, because the health of her creativity is related to the health of her mind. “You’re always afraid you’ll lose that flow, that rhythm, that pushed you in a creative direction in the first place.”
When you have bipolar disorder – or any chronic condition – it’s understandable to have anxiety about the illness’s impact. And this anxiety may come with a parade of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios.
Amy Marlow was recently diagnosed with bipolar II disorder (along with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder). As she writes in her powerful post, “I feel like every thought begins with what if. What if I have to change my medication? What if it doesn’t work? What if I lose everything I’ve worked so hard for? What if I get sick again?”
When you have bipolar disorder – or any chronic condition – it also can feel like you take one step forward and then 10 steps back. It can feel like you’re constantly starting over. Which is incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.
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