We tend to think that we have to earn self-kindness. That is, in order to be kind to ourselves, we must meet certain conditions. We must not make mistakes. We must work out five times a week. No exceptions. We must keep a tidy, organized home. We must make “healthy” meals. We must check off everything on our to-do list. We must excel at work, and produce, produce, produce. We cannot fail. Under any circumstances.
And if we don’t meet these conditions, then we punish ourselves. We wake up earlier and earlier. We work longer hours. We don’t rest. We don’t take any time for ourselves. Because we’re convinced we don’t deserve it. We talk to ourselves in ways we’d never talk to others. Because we’re convinced we deserve it.
Being kind can be hard, especially when we’re angry with ourselves, especially when we feel disappointed due to something we did – or didn’t do.
Many of us have to teach ourselves how to be self-compassionate. It feels that foreign, that far away. And that’s OK. Because self-compassion is actually a skill we can sharpen – whether we’ve bashed ourselves for years or not. The more you practice, the more you act with kindness, the more natural it becomes.
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