I recently came across a quote on Instagram that resonated with me: “Friendly reminder that ‘doing your best’ does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.” It resonated with me because often that’s exactly what I do. Because if I have more to give, I think I must give it. I must give it everything I have. Everything. It’s as though I’m a well, and I must empty myself of all my water.
Years ago, every day that I’d come home from middle school I’d go straight to my room, sit at my pink desk and start doing homework. I’d refuse to come out or eat dinner until I was done. This was how I worked, and this is similar to how I work today. I keep thinking that unless I’m mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, then I need to keep working and writing and producing (and even after I’ve past that point).
Even though I know intellectually that I don’t need to earn rest or self-care (no one does), I still go through those motions. I still act like a drill sergeant. I still act like a bully toward myself. I still start wondering why I can’t do as much as such and such person, and I conclude that it’s because there’s obviously something wrong with me.
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