10 Ways to Boost Self-Care and Happiness When You’re Single

a post by Lianne Avila for YourTango.com [via World of Psychology blog]



A lot of people feel guilty when they put themselves first.

If you’re single and looking to learn how to take care of yourself and be happier, there are a few self care ideas and tips that can help.

Self-care is the beginning of learning how to be happy with your life, even when you’re single.

When you think of self-care, you may think of getting a massage or a mani-pedi. That’s alright because there’s nothing wrong with getting those things.

But, learning how to take care of yourself means learning how to take care of your mind, body, and soul.

Creative Ways To Be Happy and Confident When You’re Single

Being single means you have more time for yourself and you should use this to your advantage. A happy life is only a few steps away.

Taking time out when you need it is the core of self-care. In today’s world, everyone is busy. You are driven to work more and do more.

If you keep up at this pace, you will end up feeling depleted and empty inside. So, take better care of yourself, now.

Unfortunately, practicing self-care isn’t always easy. Many people feel guilty when they put themselves first, even if this means they are exhausted. This means that you are going to burn out, which can lead to many other problems.

Burnout and stress put both your emotional and physical health at risk. But, unfortunately, it’s not until one of those is at risk when people begin to do something

So, in order to be happier when you’re single, here are 10 self-care tips that will help you better take care of yourself.

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Diet and depression: what you eat impacts your mood

a post by Jason Weisberger for the Boing Boing blog

For years a friend has been telling my diet was hurting my general demeanor.

Last year I stopped ignoring her and switched to a diet more like what is described in this study.

I will never be Mr. Cheerful, but it really did help.

NPR:

A randomized controlled trial published in the journal PLOS ONE finds that symptoms of depression dropped significantly among a group of young adults after they followed a Mediterranean-style pattern of eating for three weeks. Participants saw their depression "score" fall from the "moderate" range down to the "normal" range, and they reported lower levels of anxiety and stress too.

Alternatively, the depression scores among the control group of participants – who didn't change their diets –  didn't budge. These participants continued to eat a diet higher in refined carbohydrates, processed foods and sugary foods and beverages. Their depression scores remained in the "moderate severity" range.

"We were quite surprised by the findings," researcher Heather Francis, a lecturer in clinical neuropsychology at Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia, told NPR via email. "I think the next step is to demonstrate the physiological mechanism underlying how diet can improve depression symptoms," Francis said.

Hazel’s comment:
And it is no surprise that people in the UK trying to exist on Universal Credit are also depressed. Bread, potatoes, starchy root vegetables etc are cheaper than the non-carbohydrate vegetables that are good for you!

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8 Ways to Navigate Change Without Stress and Anxiety

a post by María Tomás-Keegan for YourTango.com [via World of Psychology]



Change doesn’t have to be terrifying

Life change — and change in general — is certain to happen. According to the Greek philosopher, Heracleitus, “The only thing that is constant is change.”

If this is true, and I believe it is, coping with life changes, transitions, and the stress and anxiety that comes with it should come more easily to everyone, don’t you think?

Yet, many shudder at the thought of change. Some bury their heads and hope it will go away while others open their arms and welcome the opportunities.

Heracleitus’ philosophy is a good starting point for those who shudder and duck and cover when they face a major change in life. It may help to do a little reframing and think about change differently.

One way to approach change is to go with the flow. Enjoy the ride, as wild as it may be.

This, of course, is easier said than done when you’re coping with life changes and transitions.

Here are 8 easy ways you can embrace change in your life and make it work in your favor:

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I am not sure that “easy” is the word I would use for these 8 ways to embrace change but “effective”  might work – at least for some people.
So, here I am, posting about change when I know how hard I resist it myself.
Practice what you preach Granny!

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It's More Important to Be Authentic Than Impressive

a post by Clarabel Sage for the Tiny Buddha blog


“The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” ~Pema Chödrön

All my life I’ve chased after success, as I was encouraged to do from a very young age.

When I was six, my father got me my first proper study desk as a gift for getting into a ‘good’ school. The type of desk that towered over a little six-year-old—complete with bookshelves and an in-built fluorescent light. In the middle of the shelf frame stuck a white sticky label inscribed with my father’s own handwriting in two languages. It read: “Work hard for better progress.”

Little did I know those words would set the tone for me and my work ethic for the next twenty years – until I finally began to question them.

Hard work became my ‘safe space’ whenever I felt insecure. When I struggled to make friends at a new school, felt rejected, or felt like I didn’t belong, I would put my head down and drown out my emotions out by working hard. It became my coping strategy.

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Job Precarity, Contract Work, and Self-Care

an article by Sajni Lacey (UBC Okanagan) published in PARTNERSIP: The Canadian Journal of Library and Information Practice and Research Volume 14 Number 1 (2019)

Abstract

Job precarity is an active and real issue in the libraries.

This piece will explore job precarity as it applies libraries and the financial and emotional strain attached to it, with some strategies for self-care while applying to precarious work and in the positions themselves.

Full text (PDF 8pp)

Hazel’s comment:
The author is specifically writing about precarity in libraries but her suggestions for coping will apply to anyone who is working precariously.

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5 Mindfulness Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

a post by Ingrid Helanderfor YourTango.com [via World of Psychology blog]



Do your nerves overwhelm you sometimes?

Do you frequently find yourself burdened with anxiety or stress? Anxiety attacks and symptoms of stress can be overwhelming and terrible. You don’t like how you feel, but you don’t understand it, and you don’t feel like there’s any was you can possibly find out how to deal with anxiety when it strikes you.

Anxiety symptoms can be severe and stress management is hard when your own body doesn’t know how to deal with stress or how to control anxiety when you’re just reacting to signs of stress and don’t see a way out.

But with a little bit of stress management, you can actually learn to control this reaction and begin to trust your body again to deal with anxiety on its own.

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How I Stopped Living a Sad, Frustrating, Disappointing Life

a post by Tpny Le for the Tiny Buddha blog


“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ~C. JoyBell C.

There I was lying on my sister’s couch, which had doubled as my bed. I had hit my rock bottom. I felt depressed, anxious, and disappointed about my situation.

I couldn’t understand where it all went so wrong. How did I end up here?

I was thirty, single, and pretty much homeless. My life wasn’t supposed to end up here. By this age, I was supposed to be married with kids and have a successful career and a beautiful home. Well, that was the expectation anyway.

This is where I found myself at a crossroad. Either I continued to wallow in my self-pity and blame the world for my situation, or I made a commitment to myself and started the journey to change.

I started delving into my life—picking apart my upbringing, my platonic relationships, my failed romantic relationships, my lack of drive, and my social anxieties—and found that I was paralyzed by fear. The fear of failing, fear of being judged, and fear of not being accepted, which all culminated into a severe lack of self-belief and self-love.

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Why Speaking My Truth Is the Cornerstone of My Recovery

a post by Hailey Magee for the Tiny Buddha blog


“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” ~Kim McMillen

I like to think of my inner self as a curly-haired stick figure who lives inside my chest cavity. Like most inner selves, mine has a simple, childlike quality. She smiles when she’s happy and cries when she’s sad. She has an intuitive sense of what is right and wrong. She speaks her needs simply, the way a young girl might.

My inner self and I are on good terms nowadays, but it hasn’t always been this way. When I was addicted to booze, food, and relationships, I treated my inner self like a prisoner.

For years, I dazed her with whiskey and wine and snuck away to make rash decisions under the light of the moon. Through a groggy haze she would slur warnings: “Don’t drive! Don’t sleep with him! It’s dangerous!” But I had abandoned her, lost in the sweet abyss of another blackout, and left her alone to handle the consequences that met the body I’d left behind.

As I got older, I sought love in the way the women of my family had for generations: by getting thin. I fed my inner self rations and scraps, barely enough to get by. Her hungry cries were met with six almonds, a tall glass of water, one slice of bread.

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Hazel’s comment:
I did not go down the eating disorder route but I sure as hell did the booze and inappropriate men – usually both together.

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The Best Question for Self-Care: What Do You Really Need Today?

a post by Alison Kate for the Tiny Buddha blog


“Each day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

About a month ago I came back to my daily meditation practice after realizing I’d been pushing myself too hard, and I was amazed at how easy it was to sit, get into that groove, and just be. I expected to sit for ten minutes, but on this day, my body didn’t want to move. I was completely content in the stillness, in silence.

I have been meditating and practicing yoga for many years, and different variations of different practices feel good at any given point in time. However, this was the first time in thirteen years that I sat down in meditation and didn’t fidget, or move a single millimeter, until the time was over.

This continued for a few weeks, and I was elated. I felt like I had reached a new level of comfort in my body, of awareness of what is important, of connection to a magical inner peace.

But life is a constant ebb and flow, and after that sweet three weeks, I was back to discomfort and fidgeting beyond about ten minutes. I felt a bit bummed, somewhat jokingly thinking that my Zen super powers were gone.

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How to Use Self-Compassion to Stop Blaming Yourself for Everything

a post by Sharon Martin for Happily Imperfect [the World of Psychology blog]



Are you quick to blame yourself – even for things you didn’t do or couldn’t control?

When things go wrong, is your immediate response: “It’s all my fault” or “I shouldn’t have done that”?

For many of us, self-blame and criticism are insidious. We’re unrelenting with our demands and expectations, and we’re our own worst critic when things don’t go as planned or we don’t perform perfectly.

Why we’re so hard on ourselves

Self-blame and self-criticism are learned behaviors. A blaming or critical parent, teacher, friend, or family member may be the original source of your inner-critic.

Children are especially vulnerable to blame, rage, and criticism because they don’t have a strong sense of self. They base their self-concept on what others tell them. So, if you were repeatedly told you’re needy or you’re stupid, you probably grew up believing it.

Our negative beliefs can also result from what wasn’t said or done for us as children. For example, if your parents weren’t attentive to your feelings, the unspoken message was that your feelings (and you) don’t matter.

When criticism, blame, verbal abuse, and emotional neglect are chronic, we internalize this critical voice and make it our own. We continue to repeat these negative false beliefs (I’m ugly, I’m stupid, It’s all my fault, I’m worthless) and reinforce them until they become automatic.

We also tend to choose partners in adulthood who repeat this cycle of blame and criticism. We’re unconsciously drawn to people who criticize and blame us because we’re used to it – and it validates the negative beliefs we have about ourselves.

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Two Types of Boundaries That Can Help You Take Good Care of Yourself

a post by Victoria Leek for the Tiny Buddha blog


“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brené Brown

Do you have the courage to love yourself and set the boundaries you need?

For years I didn’t, and wondered why my life didn’t work. I didn’t really understand what boundaries were or why I needed them.

My severe lack of boundaries allowed me to give away my energy, time, power, and love to others, leaving virtually nothing for myself.

For years I lived in a perpetual state of lack, feeling like I wasn’t enough. Looking back, it makes sense that I didn’t feel like I was enough; I was giving everything I had to everyone else.

Unsurprisingly, things eventually reached a breaking point, and at the age of thirty-six it all came crashing down on me.

Living without boundaries, overworking myself to the point of burnout, trying to please everyone, battling with money, having an emergency operation, and leaving a toxic relationship had left me almost broken. I finally surrendered and realized something had to give, before I did completely. My lack of boundaries was costing me too much.

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A Practice That Doesn’t Exactly Feel Like Self-Care But Totally Is

a post by Margarita Tartakovsky for the World of Psychology blog



Decluttering and getting organized might feel like a tedious chore—not something you’d actually consider to be self-care, but that’s exactly what it is: a self-care practice.

Yes. Seriously.

As Gretchen Rubin writes in her practical, empowering new book Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter & Organize to Make Room for Happiness, “By getting rid of the things I don’t use, don’t need, or don’t love, as well as the things that don’t work, don’t fit, or don’t suit, I free my mind—and my shelves—for what I truly value.”

Outer order, Rubin writes, saves us time, money, space, and energy. It helps us to feel less frustrated and overwhelmed and overworked. Outer order creates a feeling of sanctuary, according to Rubin: “I experience true leisure because I don’t feel pressured to jump and deal with a mess…I feel more focused and there’s more room in my mind, my schedule, and my space for creative activity…I can revel in the beauty of my possessions because I can see and reach everything easily.”

Rubin also notes that outer order creates a sense of possibility. Which makes sense because when stuff piles up, we feel paralyzed and stuck. “When clutter is gone, I have more choices about the future: what to buy, what to do, where and how to live,” she writes.

Outer Order, Inner Calm is filled with simple, clever strategies for decluttering and organizing. Here are some of my favorites to get you started.

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My Needs Matter Too: How I Started Speaking Up and Setting Boundaries

a post by Hailey Magee for the Tiny Buddha blog


“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring just because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too.” ~Christine Morgan

In my early twenties, I could shout into a megaphone at a political rally of thousands, but I couldn’t decline drinks from strangers at the bar. I could perform original music for an attentive audience, but I couldn’t tell my friends when I felt hurt by something they’d said. I could start a business, advocate for new laws at City Hall, and share deeply personal poetry on Facebook, but I simply couldn’t speak up for myself in moments of conflict.

At the time, I had no idea that boundary setting and speaking up were systemic issues millions of people struggled with. I didn’t understand that my inability to set boundaries probably originated in my childhood as the cumulative result of my untended emotional needs.

I just thought I wasn’t trying hard enough.

I judged myself mercilessly for being unable set boundaries. I spent many mornings scribbling viciously in my journal, unpacking the previous day’s events.

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How to Be Loving Toward Yourself When You Actually Don’t Love Yourself

a post by Margarita Tartakovsky for the World of Psychology blog


Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

You don’t feel great about yourself, so you assume you shouldn’t treat yourself great either.

Maybe you hate your body. Maybe you think you have way too many flaws. Maybe you’re mad at yourself because you have a knack for making mistakes when it really matters. Maybe you’re mad that you’ve already abandoned your New Year’s resolutions. Maybe you’re mad about a poor decision you made—last week or years ago. Maybe you think you’re broken and well beyond repair.

But being loving toward yourself doesn’t require being in love with yourself, said Stefani Reinold, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, perinatal mental health expert, and eating disorders specialist with a singular mission to help women live their best life, free from self-limiting beliefs.

That is, you don’t have to be in love with “who you are, what you look like, or what you have,” Dr. Reinold said.

“So many individuals misunderstand self-care and self-love to mean that we either have to be lustfully in awe of every part of ourselves or that we have to be a bold, fierce, independent, assertive version of ourselves.”

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The Free Self-Care You Should Be Doing Right Now

a post by Beth Skwarecki for Lifehacker [via World of Psychology’s Psychology Around the Net]


Photo: Cassandra McD

Let’s talk about how to take care of yourself. Not the “self-care” that companies use as an excuse to get you to buy their shit, but how to cover the basic needs of your body and mind.

Feed yourself good food so you don’t crave junk food so much

Set a realistic exercise schedule

Clean one thing

Schedule the big things

Get enough sleep

Check in on somebody, or let somebody check in on you

Continue reading so that you can fill in the words, lots of them, I’ve left out under each of those headings.
All good common sense – but when did common sense and mental health problems reside in the same mind? Not in mine!

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Why We Abandon Ourselves and How to Stop

a post by Sharon Martin for the blog Happily Imperfect brought to us via the World of Psychology blog



Do you have a hard time trusting yourself? Do you hide parts of yourself – your feelings, beliefs, and ideas – in order to fit in or please others? Do you diminish or discount your feelings because you think they don’t really matter?

This is self-abandonment.

We abandon ourselves when we don’t value ourselves, when we don’t act in our own best interest, and when we don’t encourage and comfort ourselves.

Notice how many of these examples of self-abandonment ring true for you.

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Escape Isn't Self-Care: What We Really Need to Feel Whole and at Peace

a post by Ethan Somerman for the Tiny Buddha blog


“A pause gives you breathing space so listen to the whispers of the real you waiting to happen.” ~Tara Estacaan

You and I, we’re much too busy. We’re doing too much. We’re stressed. We’re overscheduled and overwhelmed. And we’re not doing enough self-care.

The good thing is there’s help. There are headlines, hacks, and half-baked gurus who promise to bring us to the less-stressed light. And there’s a vast supply of products to help too. Bath salts, wine, essential oils, yoga classes, massages, chocolate cake, books, life coach packages, etc. But sometimes I wonder, are all the articles and products about becoming less busy actually helpful? Does the practice of self-care actually take care of yourself?

For the last few weeks I’ve been dosing myself regularly with the things prescribed as self-care. Bath soaks. Chocolate cupcakes. Mantras. Spa music. I’m doing it and I feel like if I fake it till I make it, maybe I’ll soon feel like my life is better managed. I’ll feel less stressed. I’ll run to social media and post a bunch of cloying hashtags: #blessed #metime #nofilter.

I’m somewhat inclined to think that most of the snake oil being peddled as self-care is feel good fluff. It’s not bad. Baths are lovely. Chocolate cupcakes are really lovely. But, it’s not self-care in and of itself. It’s escapism that that has often been packaged and sold to us.

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9 Powerful Ways to Care for Your Emotional Health

a post by Margarita Tartakovsky for the World of Psychology blog



We tend to dismiss our emotional health. We certainly don’t talk about it around the dinner table, at the office, or really anywhere. If we talk about any kind of health, we prefer to chat about our physical wellness: what we’re eating, and not eating, what kind of exercise we’re trying, and not trying, how much we’re sleeping or not sleeping.

One reason we do this is because talking about our physical health offers external validation from others, said Marline Francois-Madden, LCSW, a psychotherapist and owner of Hearts Empowerment Counseling Center in Montclair, New Jersey.

Talking about our emotional health, however, feels too vulnerable, she said. And this is understandable. Our pain feels fresh, tender, private. Often, we don’t even admit we’re hurting to ourselves.

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How to Stop Rescuing Other People as a Way to Feel Good About Yourself

a post by Andrew Cain for the Tiny Buddha blog


“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Jack Kornfield

It seemed like the natural thing to do.

A middle-aged man had dropped his keys near me. I jumped up, hopped over, picked the keys up, and gave them back to him.

Not so unusual, except I had a badly twisted ankle after slipping on a walking holiday and needed to rest it while the pain and swelling went down. I struggled back to my seat, wincing.

It was a small incident but symbolic of my rescuing, codependent instinctive habits at the time. If something needed doing, I would be the one to do it. If there were a problem around, I’d jump to fix it.

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Guilty as charged!

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5 Self-Care Apps and Sites for Positive and Healthy Reminders

a post by Dann Allbright for the MakeUseOf blog

In the rush of looking after your family, meeting your work requirements, and getting things done, it’s easy to neglect your own well-being. These websites, apps, and social accounts will ensure you remember to take care of yourself.

Even five minutes of self-care is enough to make a big difference in how you feel. Whether it’s a reminder to take a break from work or an uplifting message that puts you in a positive frame of mind, there’s something for everyone here.

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Not a usual source for self-help advice but at least one of the ideas looked interesting. Nothing new, of course, but perhaps a slightly different way of looking at "the same old".

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