a post by Katherine Fabrizio (The Good Daughter Syndrome) via the World of Psychology blog
From my psychotherapy couch, I see your face fall and an unbearable sadness comes over you. Your heart is breaking in two.
The child in you is facing an unbearable loss. The love you want so very much to feel from your mother just isn’t going to be. Wishing it weren’t true, you have been hiding this from yourself for so long. You wish you had a mother who would see the best in you.
You don’t.
Instead, you feel criticized and controlled. You wish that mom would accept you for who you are, instead of continually trying to fix you.
You don’t.
Stuck in the role of the good daughter, you constantly wonder if you’ll ever be good enough for her? This is a torturous way to live. You bear the mark of your mother’s pain. Nevertheless, instead of feeling heartbroken, there is a part of you that would rather be angry, indignant… anything to keep from facing what a part of you has known all along.
You didn’t get the love you needed then. And you are never going to get it now. This is a hard truth to face. No matter how good you are for her, she may never give you the love you need. And it hurts badly. Hope against hope, you put yourself back together only to have the inevitable happen.
You give her one more chance, telling yourself that she means well or doesn’t mean what she says and … mom says something unspeakably self-centered or mean. Your defenses crack, and you let down your guard. The profound disappointment of your mother’s limitations come flooding through. You wonder if there is something seriously wrong with mom? The label Narcissistic seems to fit. Whether or not this is the case, what you feel is real. Loneliness overtakes you, and you sit there weeping as the truth rises in you.
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