“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your own understanding.” ~Khalil Gibran
There was a time in my life where I felt like everything needed to seem okay.
I had trouble achieving emotional closeness in my relationships, I was unsatisfied in my career, and I struggled with at times severe anxiety and depression. But I was always “okay,” and actually went great lengths to hide any sign that I wasn’t.
I kept myself busy to avoid seeming “lame” by having nothing to do, or perhaps to avoid the feelings that would come up if I had nothing to do. If I felt insecure or dissatisfied with something, I’d simply lie and try to cover it up rather than ever acknowledge there was a problem.
Feeling alone and not heard in my friendships? Well, everyone else seems to be fine, so I’ll just pretend I’m fine too. Uncomfortable feelings? Push them down and ignore them, always. And if someone did something to hurt or offend me, I never said anything, because I wasn’t able to stand up for myself or set boundaries.
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