How Your Partner Can Control Your Brain

a post by Darlene Lancer for the World of Psychology blog



A new study sheds light on how a person could influence and control the mind of someone else. Research on mice reveals that our brains are affected by those around us. The key factor is dominance. The brain of the subordinate mouse synchronised to the dominant mouse. This likely applies to our relationships. Typically, people with stronger personalities make the decisions and get their needs met more often than their partners do.

Other factors play a part. The more the mice interacted with each other, the more their brain activity was synched. Similarly, the longevity and intensity of a relationship affects our partner’s influence on us. A further twist on brain synchrony turns on two types of brain cells we have. One set is focused on our own behaviour and a second on other people. How we think and where we place our attention matters. At Carnegie Mellon University, neuroscientists are tracking our thoughts in fMRI’s brain scans to see which areas and neurons light up. Self and other neurons light up in varying degrees among certain populations.

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I would have liked to see links to the scientific evidence but this piece certainly set me thinking, thinking hard. Hazel.

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6 Things to Remember When You Think You Don't Matter

a post by Lori Deschene for the Tiny Buddha blog



In a world with billions of people, in a culture that promotes being special and making a big mark, it’s easy to feel like you don’t matter.

Maybe you’ve felt it all your life – like you have no purpose, no value, and nothing to contribute to anyone around you.

Maybe you feel it off and on, when you’re struggling to find love or direction and think you need to somehow prove your worth.

Or maybe you know that your life has value, but every now and then, when your head hits your pillow, you wonder if in the end, it will matter that you lived at all.

I know what it’s like to question your worth. I grew up feeling inferior and unsure of myself, and felt lost and insignificant for many years after that. As an insecure introvert with high anxiety and low self-esteem, I simultaneously wanted to belong and hoped to find a way to stand out. So I could feel important. Valuable. Worth knowing, worth loving, worth remembering when I’m gone.

I’m also naturally a deep thinker, which means I’ve often questioned my place in the world and the meaning of life itself.

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Instagram: Friend or foe? The application’s association with psychological well-being

an article by Samantha B Mackson, Paula M Brochu and Barry A Schneider (Nova Southeastern University, USA) published in New Media & Society Volume 21 Issue 10 (October 2019)

Abstract

The current study examined the association between the social media application Instagram and its users’ psychological well-being.

Participants, both Instagram users and non-users, were surveyed online on measures of depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-esteem, body image, and social comparison. Participants who reported having an Instagram account were also asked about their time spent on Instagram and Instagram anxiety.

To understand the association between Instagram and psychological well-being, the study’s first aim was to compare participants who had an Instagram account with those who did not have one. Results revealed that participants with the application reported lower levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness, and higher levels of self-esteem, than participants who did not have an account. Furthermore, loneliness and self-esteem mediated the association between having an Instagram account and depression and anxiety.

The second aim of the study was to examine what factors are associated with Instagram users’ reports of anxiety and depression, focusing specifically on participants who reported having an Instagram account. Results revealed that anxiety and depression were predicted by Instagram anxiety and social comparison, respectively.

Overall, these results show that Instagram is associated with psychological well-being.

However, when Instagram users experience Instagram anxiety or engage in social comparison, it is associated with poorer psychological outcomes.

This research provides an insight into the psychological impact that Instagram can have on its users.

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Pain, Suffering, Joy, Love—Meditation Helps Me Experience It All

a post by Jake Kessler for the Tiny Buddha blog



“I know, things are getting tougher when I can’t get the top off the bottom of the barrel.” ~Jesse Michaels

No one thought I was going to live to see twenty. Including me. In fact, I vividly remember telling my father that it would be miraculous if I saw twenty-five. It wasn’t emotional. It was simply a statement of fact. And yet here I am—mid-thirties, wife, daughter, one on the way, house, job, sense of purpose. What happened?

I was one of those kids with questions. Big questions. “What does it all mean?” questions. I used to wonder what the point of all of this was. As young as seven and eight I remember lying in bed at night trying to understand the nature of the world. I would examine my family, my friends, my fears, my aspirations, looking for the thread that would unravel the existential knot.

I loved to learn, and I was frequently drawn to the sciences in a way that I now see as continuing to look for answers to the big questions. When my friends were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, they gave the common answers—policeman, fireman, professional athlete, etc. I think someone said “Batman” (it might have been me…).

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Powerful, amazing, thought-provoking.

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When You Start Thinking That You’re Not Good Enough…

a post by Anna Simpson for the Tiny Buddha blog


“You are strong when you know your weaknesses. You are beautiful when you appreciate your flaws. You are wise when you learn from your mistakes.” ~Unknown

The most annoying thing for me is to hear someone tell me, “Just stop it!” whenever I am frustrated or discouraged and looking for answers and solutions.

When you’re anxious, and someone tells you, “Stop worrying, it will all be fine…” these words only add fuel to the fire and often make you angry. At least this is true for me.

It reminds me of a funny video I watched about a “unique” therapeutic approach, when a therapist just tells a patient, after listening to their problems with deep emotional issues, “STOP IT!”

“But I can’t just stop it,” the patient responds. “This issue has been within me since childhood, and my mom used to do the same.”

But the therapist just calmly responds, “We don’t go there. Just stop it.”

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How Adverse Childhood Experiences Affect Relationships

a post by Renee Catt for YourTango.com [via World of Psychology]



Childhood trauma is surprisingly common and understandably painful, but healing is possible.

I didn’t figure out what love wasn’t until I went through my tsunami of a divorce and came face-to-face with the ongoing trauma causing by experiences of childhood abuse — all at the same time.

You see, I was a victim (sorry, I hate that word, but it is what it is) of childhood abuse, what those in the clinical world refer to as Adverse Childhood Experiences.

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Hazel’s comment:
This is, for World of Psychology, quite a long read which some people may find disturbing. 

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Resilience

an article from the Mind and Soul Foundation

Warning: I remind you that Mind and Soul is overtly Christian. That does not stop its advice and suggestions being valuable to others.

Resilience is the new buzzword in mental health, but is it really any better than the words we had before - like 'self-esteem' or 'confidence'. It's been glibly defined as the ability to 'bounce back' or 'emotional toughness' but surely it must be a bit more complex than that.

The resources below are from the Korus Connect conference for youth chaplains in Melbourne in 2018 when Dr Rob Waller gave

1. a keynote introduction to youth mental health issues,
2. a keynote on resilience including a model, and
3. a seminar for youth chaplains and other people who work in stressful environments about how you can build your own resilience.

There is lots of detail in the slides - which are available as PDF downloads - and you can choose audio or video for the sessions themselves.

Links to all the information are here

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Misperceiving grandiose narcissism as self‐esteem: Why narcissists are well liked at zero acquaintance

an article by Miranda Giacomin (MacEwan University, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada) and Christian H. Jordan (Wilfrid Laurier University, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada) published in Journal of Personality Volume 87 Issue 4 (August 2019)

Abstract

Objective
We examine why people form positive first impressions of grandiose narcissists, even though they can identify others’ narcissism. We test whether this occurs because narcissists are perceived to have especially high self‐esteem, which is socially valued.

Method
Across four studies, undergraduate perceivers viewed photographs of targets (for whom narcissism and self‐esteem were known) and rated perceptions of their narcissism and self‐esteem, as well as how much they liked them.

Results
Perceivers rated more narcissistic targets to be higher in self‐esteem (even compared to targets with equally high self‐esteem) and liked them more. Perceptions of self‐esteem, moreover, mediated the effect of target narcissism on liking (Study 1). This effect disappeared when targets’ narcissism was made salient, suggesting that trait narcissism is not inherently attractive (Study 2). Finally, path models revealed a negative effect of perceptions of narcissism on liking that was suppressed by a positive effect of perceptions of self‐esteem on liking (Study 3a), even for ratings of people’s online dating profiles (Study 3b).

Conclusions
Positive initial impressions of narcissists may be driven by inflated perceptions that they have high self‐esteem.

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The Difference Between Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Self-Confidence and Self-Knowledge

a post by Jonice Webb for the Childhood Emotional Neglect blog [via World of Psychology]



I have noticed that there is a great deal of confusion between the four common struggles listed in the title. Sometimes folks ask me if they are all the same.

The differences can be subtle and there can be overlap, yes. But they are all indeed different in some very specific ways. Ways that are important to understand as you think about your own view of, and feelings about, yourself.

So let’s start with a little “quiz.” As you read the descriptions below, see if you can identify which person has low self-esteem, which has low self-worth, who has low self-confidence, and who has low self-awareness.

Then read on to see if you identified them correctly, and also to learn much more about each of these common struggles.

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What My Parents Did to Me and Why I Cut Them Out of My Life

a post by Jen Hinkkala for the Tiny Buddha blog



I wrote this letter to my extended family years after I chose to become estranged from my parents because many of them cut me out of their lives instead of reaching out to hear my side of the story.

It pains me that I have lost contact with some of them because they refuse to see the full picture, and at times I feel as though I have lost a part of myself. Yet, at the same time, I am free.

The letter you are about to read comes from a place of acceptance and longing. I have chosen to share this letter publicly because I suspect I’m not alone in what I have been through, and I hope my experience can be helpful to others in some small way.

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You Don't Suck at Life: How to Stop Believing Your Inner Bully

a post by Sandy Woznicki for the Tiny Buddha blog



“You’re too fat to wear that tight shirt to the gym.”

“You’re not smart enough to take the lead on that project at work.”

“You’re definitely going to screw up the vacation plans.”

“You’re not good enough, cool enough, likable enough.”

“You suck.”

If we talked like this to anyone, it would be considered bullying.

And yet we talk to ourselves like this all the time.

We talk to ourselves in a way we would never talk to people we care about. We take these words to heart and believe them as truth.

We turn these words into our core belief system, holding ourselves back from growth, fulfillment, and happiness.

We set high expectations for ourselves, and if we don’t meet them it comes out in unfair, untrue, and flat-out mean judgments.

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5 Mental Shifts to Stop Caring What People Think of You

a post by Sandy Woznicki for the World of Psychology blog



“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

We carefully pick out what we wear to the gym to make sure we look good in the eyes of the other gym goers.

We beat ourselves up after meetings running through everything we said (or didn’t say), worried that coworkers will think we aren’t smart or talented enough.

We post only the best picture out of the twenty-seven selfies we took and add a flattering filter to get the most likes to prove to ourselves that we are pretty and likable.

We live in other people’s heads.

And all it does is make us judge ourselves more harshly. It makes us uncomfortable in our own bodies. It makes us feel apologetic for being ourselves. It makes us live according to our perception of other people’s standards.

It makes us feel inauthentic. Anxious. Judgmental. Not good enough. Not likable enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough.

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Identifying commonalities and differences in personality characteristics of Internet and social media addiction profiles: traits, self-esteem, and self-construal

an article by Nazir Hawi and Maya Samaha (Notre Dame University-Louaize, Zouk Mikael, Lebanon) published in Behaviour & Information Technology Volume 38 Issue 2 (2019)

Abstract

Excessive use of the Internet and social media has been associated with behavioural addiction, which sparked the researchers’ interest in gaining a better understanding of this global phenomenon.

The aim of this study was to fill a gap in knowledge by using just one sample to identify similarities and differences in relationships between technology addictions and personality characteristics, especially traits, self-esteem, and self-construal. The sample consisted of 512 undergraduate students.

The results showed that Internet addiction and social media addiction shared many more similarities than differences. Agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness to experiences, emotional stability, self-esteem, the frequency of checking account, and Internet usage were predictors of both Internet addiction and social media addiction.

Age, satisfaction with life, and interdependent self-construal did not predict Internet addiction or social media addiction, whereas real self and extraversion predicted Internet addiction only, and gender, posting updates, a number of friends, and independent self-construal predicted social media addiction only. These results provide some basis for an understanding of Internet and social media addiction profiles.

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How I Went From the Pain of People-Pleasing to the Freedom of Being Me

a post by Caroline Lucas for the Tiny Buddha blog


“How hurtful it can be to deny one’s own true self and live a life of lies just to appease others.” ~June Ahern

Growing up I felt lost, separate, and different from everyone else in my family. After all, everyone else was a fit; they pursued the same hobbies, had the same aspirations, and even thought in the same way (everything was very black and white with hardly any grey areas). I was interested, it seemed, in everything they were not interested in.

I had a different way of looking at the world. Any task I was asked to do I did my way, which, of course, was wrong and not fast enough. No matter how hard I tried to please, to get attention, to be listened to, I failed.

When my parents weren’t judging, criticizing, and shouting at me, I felt invisible to them. Because I believed everything they said to me and about me, and sensed that I was a disappointment to them, a part of me slowly started to give up. When my grandparents supported and encouraged me, especially when they realized I had an interest and talent for athletics, I felt great.

As far as my dad was concerned, it didn’t matter whether I succeeded or failed. He managed to find something wrong with everything I did.

Because I put so much importance and belief in what he said, instead of feeling proud of what I had achieved, I felt empty, not good enough, and like there was something wrong with me. To say I had low self-esteem would be an understatement.

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Digital Self: A Third Type of Self-Representation

a post by Richard Kensinger for the World of Psychology blog

The sense of mind and self is created by multiple social interactions with many others; particularly from those in our early psychosocial environment. These intimate interactions result in the construction of our personality. Personality becomes, in time, the consistent features of who we are in regards to our thoughts, feelings, and actions (which I refer to as mind, mood, and motor). Around age 3, personality emerges. It is dynamically formed by multiple inputs from others, becomes consolidated in our late teens and early 20’s, and around the 3rd decade it becomes relatively fixed.

In Psychology, one field of thought involves the split-object representations of self/other. There are essentially four global sub-types and each involves a global emotional charge. They are: good-good (++), good-bad (+-), bad-good (-+), and bad-bad (–). These four subtypes, in my clinical opinion, are critical to attachment and bonding. Emotions essentially encode our experiences with others. This occurs in the Limbic region of the brain. I refer to this region as our “reacting brain” as it is the origin of our emotions, motivations and attraction to and connections to others. (See Daniel J. Siegel’s The Developing Mind.)

Continue reading [quite heavy going but I found it very interesting]

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How to Break Free from the Past and Start Feeling Good Enough

a post by Pooja Thaleshwar for the Tiny Buddha blog


“My biggest fear is that I’m not good enough. I have this voice in my head that I’ve been battling for years that says, ‘You’re not really talented enough. You don’t really deserve this.’ ” ~Rachel Platten

When we’re continually surrounded by unrealistic beauty standards in the media and highlight reels of others’ success on social media, it’s no surprise that many of us feel like we don’t measure up or fit the ideals of perfection.

At some point in our lives maybe we were rejected for the color of our skin, the shape of our bodies, or for the way we looked, and we decided that we were somehow separate from the world.

These events can be detrimental to the beliefs we hold about ourselves and turn into thought patterns that continually chip away at our self-esteem.

For me, the feeling of not being good enough started in my early childhood. My older sister looked like she’d stepped off the catwalk, and she was extremely academic. I, on the other hand, consistently got low grades at school and was rarely complimented for my chubby appearance.

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How You Can Be More Confident

a post by Suzanne Kane for the World of Psychology blog


“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” Peter T McIntyre

I suffered from a lack of self-esteem and little confidence when I was an adolescent. The feeling of loss and not being good enough, or smart enough to get things done and fearful of trying anything new lasted through my teens and throughout the early part of my adult life. It wasn’t that I was brought up deprived of love or lacking a comfortable environment, for my parents loved me dearly and I never knew hunger or felt diminished by our standard of living. I did, however, take notice of the confidence my peers at school and wanted desperately to be so confident myself. Thus, my journey of building my self-confidence began.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can benefit from some of the tips that helped me become more confident.

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From childhood to young adulthood: the importance of self-esteem during childhood for occupational achievements among young men and women

Charlotta Magnusson & Magnus Nermo (Stockholm University, Sweden) published in Journal of Youth Studies Volume 21 Issue 10 (2018)

Abstract

This study investigates the impact of self-esteem during childhood on men’s and women’s occupational prestige in young adulthood. By combining first-hand information from parents in the Swedish Level-of-Living surveys (LNU) 2000 and their children in the Child-LNU in 2000 and the follow-up study in LNU-2010, we are able to assess how self-esteem during adolescence is related to occupational prestige in adulthood. Multivariate analyses were used to determine whether associations between self-esteem (global and domain-specific) in childhood (aged 10–18 years) and occupational prestige in young adulthood (aged 20–28) exist and, if so, what the magnitudes of these associations are for each respective gender.

For women, there is a positive association between confidence in mathematics and prestige, even when accounting for actual math grades. Global self-esteem is positively related to later occupational prestige as well. For men, self-esteem is unrelated to occupational prestige. Only actual performance in mathematics is important for men’s occupational achievements.

These results indicate the importance of taking gender differences into account when investigating how self-esteem is related to outcomes in young adulthood. A possible implication is the importance of focusing on the development of self-esteem among children, particularly girls, in school.

Full text (PDF 20pp)

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10 Ways to Stop Thinking You're Not 'Good Enough'

a post by Mary Guay for YourTango.com [via World of Psychology]



Because yes, actually, you are.

If you’re a man or women who’s bought into our culture’s pervasive, self-harming programming, causing your inner critic to repeatedly tell echo the words, “I’m not good enough,” it’s well past time for you to wake up from that nightmare of negative, self-destructive thinking and focus on learning how to love yourself and practice self-care instead.

In her powerful book, A Woman’s Worth, Marianne Williamson writes:

In our natural state, we are glorious beings. In the world of illusion, we are lost and imprisoned, slaves…Our jailer is a three-headed monster; one head our past, one our insecurity, and one our popular culture.

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Everyone Has Struggles, So Don’t Stigmatize Yourself

a post by Mosab Alkhteb for the Tiny Buddha blog



From a psychological point of view, my childhood sucked.

I didn't have many friends, I rarely left the house, I was terribly shy, and I used to get bullied a lot, both physically and mentally.

My teenage years weren't any different. The psychological issues I had as a child amplified further and created more profound problems.

When I started college, I didn't magically become more confident or develop high self-esteem. I was almost the same person.

Now, I proudly (and humbly) can say that I've gotten over most of my childhood and teenage problems, including the ones related to my social life.

But I'm not here to tell you how I did that. That would probably take a book. And trust me, it's not as glorious as I wish it were.

Instead, I want to tell you about one factor that made all the difference during my journey of change and development.

One factor that made my journey tolerable at times. Without it, I would have given up.

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Believe me it will be worth all the time you spend working through the ideas.

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