6 Things to Remember When You Think You Don't Matter

a post by Lori Deschene for the Tiny Buddha blog



In a world with billions of people, in a culture that promotes being special and making a big mark, it’s easy to feel like you don’t matter.

Maybe you’ve felt it all your life – like you have no purpose, no value, and nothing to contribute to anyone around you.

Maybe you feel it off and on, when you’re struggling to find love or direction and think you need to somehow prove your worth.

Or maybe you know that your life has value, but every now and then, when your head hits your pillow, you wonder if in the end, it will matter that you lived at all.

I know what it’s like to question your worth. I grew up feeling inferior and unsure of myself, and felt lost and insignificant for many years after that. As an insecure introvert with high anxiety and low self-esteem, I simultaneously wanted to belong and hoped to find a way to stand out. So I could feel important. Valuable. Worth knowing, worth loving, worth remembering when I’m gone.

I’m also naturally a deep thinker, which means I’ve often questioned my place in the world and the meaning of life itself.

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The Difference Between Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Self-Confidence and Self-Knowledge

a post by Jonice Webb for the Childhood Emotional Neglect blog [via World of Psychology]



I have noticed that there is a great deal of confusion between the four common struggles listed in the title. Sometimes folks ask me if they are all the same.

The differences can be subtle and there can be overlap, yes. But they are all indeed different in some very specific ways. Ways that are important to understand as you think about your own view of, and feelings about, yourself.

So let’s start with a little “quiz.” As you read the descriptions below, see if you can identify which person has low self-esteem, which has low self-worth, who has low self-confidence, and who has low self-awareness.

Then read on to see if you identified them correctly, and also to learn much more about each of these common struggles.

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Be Good to Yourself: 10 Powerful Ways to Practice Self-Love

a post by Maria Stenvinkel for the Tiny Buddha blog


“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

It was one of those nights.

I was in a busy New York bar, having fun and enjoying myself. That was, until someone asked me: “So, what do you do?”

Within a few seconds my fun, happy, playful side vanished and in entered a girl full of doubts and insecurity.

The truth was… I had no freaking idea about what I was doing! I had just left my corporate job and now I was on a journey to discover what I truly wanted to do in life.

That question stripped me down to feeling naked and exposed. Because I didn’t have a job title. (Unless “I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing-with-my-life” works?) I had nothing externally to “prove” my worthiness with.

I’ve always been pretty confident. My dad used to give me incentives for challenging myself. “Climb up that wall and I’ll buy you an ice cream.” “Be Santa Claus for your siblings and you’ll get that nail polish you really want.”

So, I never had a problem saying yes to things, such as taking job offers abroad and accepting challenging positions and demanding projects. Of course I had moments of doubt, but even when I doubted myself, I always said yes and found a solution one way or another.

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I Will Not Be Put in a Box: I Am Not What I Do, Own, Think, or Feel

a post by Sara Fabian for the Tiny Buddha blog



“All that I seek is already in me. “ ~Louise Hay

My world collapsed the day I became unemployed. After a successful thirteen-year career in a multinational company, working across different countries and cultures, I ended up with no job. I wasn’t an expat leader in Shanghai any longer; from that day, I became an expat housewife, and this big status change came like thunder.

Whenever people asked me about myself when I was working, I used to explain what my job was all about. Or give them a business card and let that speak for me.

Being left with no work was a very painful experience, one I will never forget. It came like a trauma, and I felt like a failure: lost, stuck, miserable, and depressed.

All of a sudden, I had no business card to show the world to validate my self-worth. There were no more international projects, company sales, and fantastic team achievements for me to talk about and feel proud.

They say true growth mostly comes from pain, and I believe that’s true. Today I see that moment as a gift from life, a real blessing in disguise that helped me stop for a moment and, for the very first time, ask myself who I was and what made me really happy.

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There was nothing in Sara’s post that I did not already know but seeing it all together in one relatively short post was an eye-opener for me. H.

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Measuring the Quality of Your Day with a To-Be List (Not Just a To-Do List)

a post by Nancy Daley for the Tiny Buddha blog


“Don’t equate your self-worth with how well you do in life. You aren’t what you do. If you are what you do, than when you don’t…you aren’t.” ~Wayne Dyer

As you crawl into bed, thump your pillow to make the perfect little cave for your head to rest in, pull the covers up tight under your chin, and let go of that big sigh that indicates the day is finished, how do you look back on the waking hours you just experienced? How do you measure the quality of your day?

Measuring Your Day by What You Do

Most of us will measure our day by what we did. We will reflect back and count the things on the to-do list we were able to check off. The more check marks, the better.

How well we did will also come into play as we reflect back on our doing. The more praise we received for it, either the self-provided kind or that offered by others, the higher we rank our day in terms of quality.

We may compare our daily accomplishments to those of the people who trudged through the hours with us. “Did I do more or better that Jim, John, or Mary?” No matter how much we goofed up, if Mary goofed up more, than we can sigh with relief and call it a good day as we close our eyes for the night.

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How to Recognize Your Innate Self-Worth

a post by Margarita Tartakovsky for the World of Psychology blog



You don’t feel very good about yourself.
You search for a boost everywhere.
In relationships.
On the scale.
At a job you don’t even like.
Even at the bottom of a shot glass.

You feel the need to earn your self-worth, as though it were a bulletin board with gold stars; stars you earn by performing certain deeds and achieving certain accomplishments.

What you forget – or what others helped you forget – is that you are inherently worthy.

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It will not take long (three or four minutes if you do not follow the byways).

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How I Prioritize and Take Care of Myself Without Feeling Selfish

a blog post by Sara Fabian for Tiny Buddha



“I am worthy of the best things in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.” ~Louise Hay

Looking back on my life, I see that for a long time I struggled to take care of my own wants and needs and didn’t make them a priority. I used to find that very uncomfortable, and sometimes even selfish. I was a master of giving, but I faced serious obstacles to receiving.

By nature, I am a nurturer. I find tremendous joy and fulfillment in giving, so the old me used to offer plenty of time and energy to everyone else (my family, friends, and employers). I was always doing my best to please others and make them happy. I still believe there’s nothing wrong about that, and that my only mistake was treating myself as unimportant.

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