What Are Boundaries and Why You Need Them

a post by Mike Matthews for the World of Psychology blog



One of the most misunderstood and important tools to develop healthy relationships is your ability to set boundaries.

Brene Brown famously said:

“The most generous people are the most boundaried.”

She’s right because setting boundaries helps you to take more responsibility for your life and therefore feel more in control which increases your confidence, energy and enthusiasm for life. Boundaries help you to become more open and trusting with yourself and others, which in turn improves the quality and intimacy of your relationships.

But what are boundaries exactly? My definition, which extends to both romantic and plutonic relationships is:

                      Your ability to understand, communicate and make a stand                      for how you want to be treated in your relationships.

To have boundaries is to know where you end and someone else begins. It’s what you fall back on when someone steps so far into your world that you cease being yourself. It’s your ability to communicate with them in a way that both describes how you want to be treated, and empowers others to treat you that way.

There seems to be a common misunderstanding that boundaries are restrictive, selfish and oppressive in relationships. In reality, the opposite is true as it’s only from understanding, and communicating your boundaries that you can create safe, trusting and intimate relationships.

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