“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron
After you come out a meaningful relationship that you didn’t foresee ending, you begin to think about everything you did wrong.
If you were not the one who wanted to the breakup, you may spend a lot of time blaming yourself and wondering about what you could have done differently.
You might begin to believe you’re solely responsible for what went down and that you deserve to spend years in relationship purgatory by yourself, mourning the loss of the person you loved.
You might take all the responsibility and blame as you spend months and years alone.
You may tell yourself terrible things about yourself and what a monster you were in the relationship.
Then you’ll probably feel guilty about everything you did and assume that the relationship ended only because of you.
And you may feel ashamed, unworthy, and unlovable because the other person was so good and you weren’t.
This kind of unhealthy thinking puts all the blame on you and removes all responsibility from your ex.
Your ex moves on and maybe even finds love soon after, while you spend an inordinate amount of time reflecting, hurting, and punishing yourself for what you did.
These are all things I experienced when my marriage ended.
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