I was speaking with someone recently who has a series of chronic and painful conditions; some of which are noticeable and some ‘invisible’. What is particularly distressful is that people sometimes say to her, “At least you don’t have cancer.” How dismissive is that? I know they are trying to help her feel better about what she does have and perhaps even attempt to minimize the impact, but it is not compassionate or helpful.
There are diagnoses such as fibromyalgia, lupus, diabetes, arthritis or neuropathy which some people have to navigate. It might mean taking naps on an as-needed basis, engaging in pain management protocols, delegating tasks, re-negotiating agreements and, in extreme cases, making major lifestyle changes such as applying for disability or hiring at-home help.
A smiling face may mask severe pain that the person has learned to accommodate. This woman I referenced above still holds down a job and raises her children with her husband. In between those responsibilities, her calendar is filled with healthcare appointments. It has become her ‘new normal’ for the past 10 or so years.
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