The Golden Rule is a good first pass at an attempt at empathy. You probably know how it goes: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Although it is generally believed to have come from the Bible, the maxim is found in many religions and cultures. In fact, in 1993, it was endorsed in the Declaration Toward a Global Ethics by 143 religious leaders from most of the worlds’ major faiths. It has even been found in manuscripts from ancient Egypt and China. It appears that people have been told to use themselves as a way to understand others’ feelings since the beginning of time.
But the Golden Rule really is only a very first pass at empathic understanding. Treating others as we want to be treated doesn’t take into account that the other people in question might not experience things in the same way we do. Sometimes it’s not even close.
Enter what has been called the Platinum Rule. “Treat others as they would like to be treated.” Notice the difference. Instead of using oneself as the test for what someone else appreciates, feels, or values in a situation, it urges us to figure out what the other person would appreciate or feel or value and do that — even if we don’t share their tastes or understand why on earth they react the way they do.
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