We humans are connected by a river that runs through us all. It’s a powerful river, deep and still in some places, frothy and rapid in others, yet sometimes dry and arid, and other times flooded.
We are all stimulated, challenged, warmed, cooled, driven, and connected by the emotions that are biologically wired into us at birth.
An important fact that most people never consider: We cannot choose what we feel.
The feelings we naturally feel are biological and automatic. Emotions arise automatically from our deepest self, a deeply personal expression of who we are, what we want, what we need, what we enjoy and who we like.
Our emotions tell us when we need to protect ourselves (fear), when to prepare (anxiety), when to reach out (lonely), when to let go (grief), and what we need (longing). They also tell us much more about ourselves, if we would only listen.
It is also true that, however useful our feelings are, they can hurt us. Feeling sadness, rage, grief or pain can be deeply unpleasant. Especially when we do not know what to do with those feelings.
In truth, it is our responsibility to listen to our feelings, use them to guide and connect us, and also manage them.
But if you grew up in a family that did not know how emotions work and did not teach you how to listen to your feelings, use them, and manage them (the definition of an emotionally neglectful family or Childhood Emotional Neglect or CEN), you may find yourself with only one trick up your sleeve when you come upon rapids in the river.
Unfortunately, it’s the lowest common denominator of tricks and the trickiest of tricks. Because it seems to work but it only makes things worse.
Avoidance.
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Hazel’s comment:
You will get a word picture of my husband of 38 years! Not been an easy ride particularly as he self-medicates with alcohol.
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