Healing from an Emotionally Abusive Mother

a post by Shari Stines for The Recovery Expert blog [via World of Psychology]



Being subjected to emotional abuse is hard to make sense of, yet when it’s perpetuated by your mother, its damage can be lifelong and cause you a deep sense of pervasive sadness that is hard to shake.

This article is written to offer hope and encouragement to those who have suffered at the hands of their most significant care-givers with this covert abuse.

If you were raised by an emotionally abusive (detached, dismissive, uninterested, disengaged, cold, unaffectionate, or otherwise invalidating) mother, then you probably struggle internally with a hidden ache in your heart; a sense of lost identity; a silent struggle that others may not even be aware of.

While it is not your fault that your mother was emotionally abusive, it is still, nonetheless, your responsibility to heal from the damaged caused. The good news is that it is possible and you can find freedom. You can take your life back and be the author of your own choices. You don’t have to spend your entire life feeling guilty and inadequate. You can “re-raise yourself.” You do this with loving-kindness and surround yourself with the comfort and safety you so deeply need.

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7 Gaslighting Phrases Malignant Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use To Silence You, Translated

a post by Shahida Arabi for the World of Psychology



Gaslighting is an insidious erosion of your sense of reality; it creates a mental fog of epic proportions in the twisted “funhouse” of smoke, mirrors, and distortions that is an abusive relationship. When a malignant narcissist gaslights you, they engage in crazymaking discussions and character assassinations where they challenge and invalidate your thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and sanity. Gaslighting enables narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to exhaust you to the point where you are unable to fight back. Rather than finding ways to healthily detach from this toxic person, you are sabotaged in your efforts to find a sense of certainty and validation in what you’ve experienced.

The term “gaslighting” originated in Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play, Gas Light, where a manipulative husband drove his wife to insanity by causing her to question what she experienced. It was further popularized in the 1944 film adaptation, Gaslight, a psychological thriller about a man named Gregory Anton who murders a famous opera singer. He later marries her niece, Paula to convince her she is going crazy to the point of being institutionalized, with the agenda of stealing the rest of her family jewels. According to Dr. George Simon, victims of chronic gaslighting can suffer from a wide array of side effects, including flashbacks, heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, a low sense of self-worth, and mental confusion. In cases of severe manipulation and abuse, gaslighting can even lead to suicidal ideation, self-harm, and self-sabotage.

Gaslighting can take many forms – from questioning the status of your mental health to outright challenging your lived experiences. The most dangerous culprits of gaslighting? Malignant narcissists, who, by default, use gaslighting as a strategy to undermine the perception of their victims in order to evade accountability for their abuse. These perpetrators can use gaslighting callously and sadistically because they lack the remorse, empathy, or conscience to have any limits when they terrorize you or covertly provoke you. Gaslighting by a malignant narcissist is covert murder with clean hands, allowing the perpetrator to get away with their mistreatment while depicting the victims as the abusers.

I’ve spoken to thousands of survivors of malignant narcissists who have shared their stories of gaslighting, and below I include the most commonly used phrases malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths employ to terrorize and deplete you, translated into what they really mean.

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What is Emotional Abuse Exactly? Taking a Hard Look at a Buzzword

a post by Peg Streep via the World of Psychology blog

For a time, I belonged to a large closed Facebook group dedicated to supporting people who thought they were in various kinds of abusive relationships; I told the administrators who I was and that I was there largely to see, as a writer, what people were most concerned about. I did not post comments.

But one of the astonishing revelations was how much of the dialogue was really about validating what constituted abuse in a relationship.

That’s the problem with buzzwords, like “emotionally abusive,” “verbally abusive,” “narcissist,” and others; they sometimes lose their meaning when they get tossed about, especially in groups when people are trying to be understanding. This doesn’t mean, course, that emotional or verbal abuse don’t exist; they are very real.

But how do you distinguish between a pattern of abuse and just lousy or reactive behavior? Is there a difference?

Continue reading to discover that yes, there is a difference and how you can distinguish between them.

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7 Signs You May Be in an Abusive Relationship

a post by Genevieve Fahey for the World of Psychology blog



Physical abuse is easy to identify because it is tangible. Unlike the indefinite phenomenon of being systematically torn down that is emotional abuse. Physical abuse is an easily knowable thing. That is not what I am here to discuss. I want to talk about the more covert examples of emotional abuse. I want to acknowledge the jealousy and possessiveness that rob survivors of autonomy.

You know that emotional abuse exists, but do you really know what it looks like? Do you know what to look out for? Would you be able to recognize it if you found yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship?

If emotions give us information, than the best red flags can be our own emotional responses. We need to know both what those nuanced abusive actions are, and what to look out for in our own responses.

The perpetrator of abuse will try to convince you that you are the one that needs to look at yourself and change. But, instead of automatically accepting that there is something wrong with feeling insecure, have you considered that you might be feeling that way for a good reason? Perhaps, your emotional state is trying to tell you something. Here are some signs from within you that this relationship might be emotionally abusive.

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The Silent Treatment: The Subtle Art of Abuse

a post by Christine Hammond for The Exhausted Woman blog  [via World of Psychology]

Margo knew she messed up but she wasn’t sure how. Her husband’s complete silence towards her over the last few days was a signal that she made some sort of mistake. The problem was, according to him, she made daily errors in judgement, so she was completely in the dark.

Did she drink too much at her husband’s office party and say something embarrassing? Or perhaps he is upset over the new pile on the kitchen counter? Could it be that she spent too much on groceries because they are trying to eat healthy? Or did he see her sarcastic text message to a friend about how she was in the doghouse with him again?

Normally, Margo would just confess to everything, apologize, and beg him to start talking again. She hated the silence. He would reluctantly accept her remorse, lecture her about the incidents, and then slowly reengage. Unfortunately, within a couple of weeks the same cycle would repeat but not this time.

This time, Margo decided she had enough. She was done being treated like a child. She began to see how he used silence as a way to control her behavior and get her to accept excessive responsibility. In the beginning of their relationship, she saw his uncommunicativeness as sophistication, now she saw it as manipulation. But she needed to understand this subtle abuse tactic better. Here are the many ways the silent treatment is used to abuse others.

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Trusting Your Instincts in a Psychologically Abusive Relationship

a post by Rebecca Lee for the World of Psychology blog



Most people understand the concept of physical abuse. If you’re in a relationship where your partner is physically hurting you, this is an obvious sign that:

1. Things are not okay.
2. This will probably not be the last time.
3. This relationship has the potential to be very dangerous.

Emotional abuse is more confusing. Depending on how someone was raised, where they grew up, and who influenced their life, the term “emotional/psychological abuse” may vary. While there is no official definition of the term, the outcome is usually the same.

Emotional abuse can lead to:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• PTSD
• Problems with sleep
• Low self esteem
• Doubting oneself

Most emotionally abusive behavior is used as a way to control the victim. There are different tactics used when implementing this type of control. Verbal aggression is one of most popular forms and can be demonstrated by lying, screaming, intimidation, threats or even the constant use of sarcasm. When one partner uses “jokes” to put the other down, especially in front of friends or family, this can be an early warning sign for problematic relationship behavior. Although the partner may insist they are “joking”, this can leave the other partner with nowhere to go. It is very difficult to address a joke as worthy of serious attention.

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