“We’ll light the candle together when she’s ready. For now I’ll trust the darkness for us both.” ~Terri St. Cloud
Over breakfast one morning recently, Jeff and I started reminiscing about past years, and something was said that brought back a painful memory for me. My boss at the time had been unimaginably small-minded. He had hung me out to dry. “I still can’t understand why he did that,” I said.
Jeff looked at me levelly. “You need to get over it, Jan,” he said. “It was years ago.”
Wise advice, without question. The only problem was that I didn’t want it just then.
Why is it that we are so seldom allowed a few moments just to hurt? After a serious heartbreak like the death of a loved one, sure, we’re given all the leeway we need. But the run-of-the-mill slights and small, persistent sorrows are treated as something we should quickly move past, even when they’re deeply painful.
Jeff, poor guy, was just trying to help. I couldn’t fault him. I knew I was being a bit ridiculous. But what I longed for was someone to acknowledge my outrage, let me sit with it, live into it for a few moments – and then gently remind me that it’s time to get over it.
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My husband is like Jeff with his “that was a long time ago”. However, whilst acknowledging the irrational thoughts that come into my head whenever I hear a certain person’s voice, I can only manage those thoughts by getting as far away from said person as is possible. If I was crying over my father’s death he would be all sympathy although that was more than 50 years ago, but being terrified of someone who threatened to throw a brick through my head and also to have me locked up because I was a loony is a matter for ridicule.
I guess that is life!
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