“We are used to thinking of thinking as a good thing, as that which makes us human. It can be quite a revelation to discover that so much of our thinking appears to be boring, repetitive, and pointless while keeping us isolated and cut off from the feelings of connection that we most value.” ~Mark Epstein
I grew up with parents who seemed to love me until I was eight but then turned on me inexplicably.
Suddenly, my father would hit me, two knuckles on top of my head, yelling, “Why don’t you listen?”
My parents gave me grudging credit for my large vocabulary, remarkable memory, and precocious reading, so I invested everything in my mind, but it didn’t make much of a difference. I had no real approval, escape, or safety. As a result, I became trapped in my head, always looking for ways to gain their validation and protect myself from the pain of their disapproval.
I later learned that I was engaging in “defensive thinking” – attaching to favorable situations and trying to avoid anything that might bring criticism.
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