“Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this you’re disrespecting your boundaries.” ~DJ Love Light
Two years ago, I moved from New England to the Pacific Northwest. It was time for a change, and though I was excited to begin a new chapter of my life, I was sorry to leave my old friends behind.
The first year in my new home was hectic. I hopped from hostel to hostel on the hunt for an apartment to call my own. Eager to make friends, I spent my evenings attending meetups of all varieties. My business grew as I welcomed a new influx of clients. Atop these external pressures sat my anxiety, a presence whose intensity ebbed and flowed like an unpredictable tide.
I struggled to maintain consistent contact with my New England friends during this time of transition. One day, I needed to reschedule a phone call with a friend because I felt utterly overwhelmed. I apologised and rescheduled for the following weekend, despite the fact that it would be my first free weekend in months, and I would need time to recuperate. “I’ll make it work,” I told myself.
Lo and behold, when the next weekend arrived, I was anxious and exhausted from yet another stressful week. The thought of a phone call felt utterly overwhelming, and so I cancelled. Again.
This time, my friend was rightfully upset with me. He viewed my persistent rescheduling as lack of investment in our friendship, and we slowly lost touch.
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boundaries, self-care, over-promising, proactive-boundaries,
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