“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” Plutarch
People-pleasing can seem like a way of connecting with others. We believe that if we keep people happy, then they’ll like us and want us around. While it may be true that pleasing others will win us approval and a place in their lives, changing and editing ourselves can’t create the connection we long for.
We confuse people-pleasing with kindness. After all, aren’t we, as people-pleasers, described as too nice? People-pleasing can be seen as giving of ourselves to put others first, but people-pleasing isn’t the kindest way to treat ourselves or the people around us.
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If I had a pound for every time my husband has said “I only did it please you" or I thought that’s what you wanted” I would be a millionaire.
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