“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.” ~Sidney Banks
I spent most of my life scared of my feelings. Having feelings and expressing them made me mentally ill — or so I was led to believe by a large number of mental health professionals. When I felt sad, they labeled me as depressed. When I showed any signs of anxiety, they gave me another list of mental health disorders I needed medication for. And if I was angry? Oh well, that was the absolute worst. That clearly proved how insane and utterly out of control I was!
I didn’t understand how they couldn’t see what was really going on for me. I couldn’t understand how everyone saw me as the problem when what was happening to me was the actual problem. But that’s a story for another time.
I was brought up to be a good girl, which meant that any angry expressions were forbidden, shamed, and punished.
I wasn’t allowed to express disappointment because that made me ungrateful.
I couldn’t ask for what I wanted because that made me greedy.
I wasn’t allowed to disagree with anyone because that made me difficult.
I couldn’t express frustration because that meant I was out of control and needed to be left alone to think about my shameful behavior.
I didn’t ask for help because good girls don’t inconvenience other people.
I couldn’t be happy either because that made me attention-seeking and annoying.
Continue reading and discover five important lessons about feelings.
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