The Negative Impact of Not Feeling Your Feelings

a post by Marlena Tillhon-Haslam for the Tiny Buddha blog


“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.” ~Sidney Banks

I spent most of my life scared of my feelings. Having feelings and expressing them made me mentally ill — or so I was led to believe by a large number of mental health professionals. When I felt sad, they labeled me as depressed. When I showed any signs of anxiety, they gave me another list of mental health disorders I needed medication for. And if I was angry? Oh well, that was the absolute worst. That clearly proved how insane and utterly out of control I was!

I didn’t understand how they couldn’t see what was really going on for me. I couldn’t understand how everyone saw me as the problem when what was happening to me was the actual problem. But that’s a story for another time.

I was brought up to be a good girl, which meant that any angry expressions were forbidden, shamed, and punished.

I wasn’t allowed to express disappointment because that made me ungrateful.

I couldn’t ask for what I wanted because that made me greedy.

I wasn’t allowed to disagree with anyone because that made me difficult.

I couldn’t express frustration because that meant I was out of control and needed to be left alone to think about my shameful behavior.

I didn’t ask for help because good girls don’t inconvenience other people.

I couldn’t be happy either because that made me attention-seeking and annoying.

Continue reading and discover five important lessons about feelings.

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How to Release Emotions Stuck in Your Body and Let Go of the Pain

a post by Joanna Ciolek for the Tiny Buddha blog

“The human mind is a relational and embodied process that regulates the flow of energy and information.” ~Daniel J. Siegel

We are emotional creatures, and we were born to express emotions freely and openly. Somewhere along the way, however, many of us learned to repress emotions, especially those deemed “negative,” in order to fit in, earn love, and be accepted. This was my experience.

I grew up in a home where the motto was “Children are to be seen, not heard.” There was little emotional expression allowed, let alone accepted. No one was there to validate or help us process emotions in a healthy way. Anger was met with anger, fear went unacknowledged, and there was plenty of shame to go around.

My parents didn't model how to deal with difficult emotions, as they struggled with that themselves. When those emotions showed up, I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate, ashamed of my failure to be a “good girl.”

Continue reading

I have a friend who has had a lot of problems with processing his grief because his analytical mind blocks messy emotions. He doesn't even have the words to express some of his feelings. A good therapist is helping!

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