One question I get asked really regularly is about sharing my emotional/mental health struggles online. Having just written a book with the subtitle, “Discovering the confidence to lead with vulnerability”, I guess its not surprising! The thing about vulnerability though is that it’s not about being a ‘bleeding heart in the public square.’ Oversharing isn’t healthy vulnerability, it’s a damaging way of us manipulating other people’s emotions towards us. This is the difference between ‘being vulnerable’ and ‘using vulnerability’.
The first thing I always ask myself when I am posting something personal online is, “What am I trying to do here?” If I am using vulnerability, the answer could be more direct: I want sympathy, I want attention, I want acclaim. In my experience oversharing nearly always results from an ‘I want’.
If I am being healthily vulnerable the answer to that question isn’t nearly so stark. It may be as simple as ‘I’m just being me’ or ‘I am trying to model something’ or ‘I am trying to help people who may be in a similar situation.’ I would say pretty much without exception that nothing good has ever come out of me oversharing online, inversely I know the my ‘being vulnerable’ has been helpful to myself and others. Even when your intentions are good, posting about your own mental health online carries its own pressures and risks. Over the last 14 years I have made quite a few mistakes and learnt a few hard lessons. Here are a few of my top tips (not forgetting all of the usual guidelines about staying safe online.)
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