What My Dog Taught Me About Self-Acceptance

a post by joel Almeida for the Tiny Buddha blog

“Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~Lao Tzu

We all have recorded messages playing in our heads, from long ago.

Listen to parents talking to young children. Often the message is less than approving.

“Don’t put that in your mouth!”

“Go wash your face right now.”

“If you keep acting like that nobody will like you.”

“Look at Cindy, how well she’s doing. If you worked harder you could do as well as her.”

Those examples are kind compared to what many people will have heard growing up.

Many of these messages enter our brains before our conscious memories are fully formed. They may be buried somewhere in our minds, but they are real.

Of course, parents have to train young children. That’s part of their job. But not all parents balance their criticism with approval.

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8 Ways Childhood Neglect Affected Your Life

a post by Darius Cikanavicius for the Psychology of Self blog [via World of Psychology]



Most people have experienced childhood neglect to one degree or another at some point during their lives. Of those, many don’t even recognize it as neglect or abuse because people tend to idealize their childhood upbringing or even defend child abuse in order to cope with their own unpleasant feelings.

It’s easier to recognize that there’s something wrong when you feel physical pain, for instance, when being beaten or sexually assaulted. It is much more confusing when you have an emotional need but the caregiver is unable or unwilling to recognize and meet that need.

This is especially true when you are also taught that your role is to meet the caregiver’s needs, that you are “very problematic,” or that you shouldn’t question how the caregiver treats you because you are just a child.

But childhood neglect is damaging, and a person can struggle with its effects for the rest of their adult life.

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It took decades after leaving care to get the mental health help I needed

an article by Jolene Campbell published in the Guardian

It took a crisis for me to get the specialist support that children in care should receive from the start


‘Adverse childhood experiences can have long-term effects on psychological health and wellbeing.’ Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Almost 30 years later, my heart still pounds when I think about the night before I was taken into care at the age of 10. Left alone in the house and sleeping with a knife under my pillow. To this day I have nightmares about it.

Trauma in childhood creates physical changes in the body; it makes us more likely to develop serious illnesses and increases the odds of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder later in life.

Looked-after children and young people have much poorer mental health than others; at least half have a mental health condition. About a quarter have had a mental health crisis since leaving care. According to charities such as Barnardo’s, most do not get specialist support.

Such systemic failure is brought into sharp focus when we consider that, in Scotland, the vast majority are referred to the children’s reporter for care and protection reasons. Neglect and lack of parental care is the most common reason for a child in Scotland to be on the child protection register.

Adverse childhood experiences like neglect can have complex, long-term effects on psychological health and wellbeing. My own experience bears out the growing evidence.

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Breaking the Chains of Victimhood When You’ve Been Abused

a post by Paul Hellwig for the Tiny Buddha blog


“Toxically shamed people tend to become more and more stagnant as life goes on. They live in a guarded, secretive, and defensive way. They try to be more than human (perfect and controlling) or less than human (losing interest in life or stagnated in some addictive behavior).” ~John Bradshaw-Healing the Shame That Binds You

Do you feel like a victim? Are those around you suggesting that you are acting like a victim? Are these same people telling you to get over it and move on? Do these judgments and statements feel harmful or helpful for you?

Most people making these harmful statements and suggestions do so with very little understanding or experience with being a victim. They have not taken the time to really listen to your story of what has happened in your life. They make their judgments from the place of never being a victim or not being willing to accept that they were.

People with a history of victimization do not need tough love, harsh words, or anyone’s reality check. Those things are most likely part of what happened to them. They need love, support, empathy, and compassion. If you are unable to give these things to them, the best thing you can do for them is to please stay out of it!

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