How to Love an Addict (Who Doesn't Love Themselves)

a post by Marlena Tillhon-Haslam for the Tiny Buddha blog



I grew up in a family of high-functioning addicts. We looked like the perfect family, but as we all know, looks can be deceiving. No one was addicted to drugs, so that obviously meant that we had no problems. Cigarettes, alcohol, food, and work don’t count, right?

I have come to realise that what we are addicted to is nowhere near as important as the admission that we’re addicted to something. When we try to make ourselves feel better by telling ourselves that gambling or porn or beer is nowhere near as bad as crack or heroin, we are merely lying to ourselves. In the recovery movement, we call this denial.

Denial was the foundation my life was built on. We did not speak of my grandfather’s abusive behaviour and alcoholism. We did not question my grandmother’s chain-smoking habit. We did not mention my other grandfather’s drunken falls and injuries. We never tried to help my aunt who was eating anything she could get her hands on. No one questioned the countless hours my father spent working.

There were so many things we just never talked about. There were so many things that were secrets. Things I had to hide. The unspoken family rule.

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The one thing that is not covered is how to love the addict that you are married to.
I have tried, really tried and we are still living in the same house but that's about it!

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Secondhand Drinking: Alcohol Can Affect Everyone Around You

a post by Sean Mahoney for the World of Psychology blog



In my vast and storied drinking career of 20+ years, the damage to others was minimal. I mean, I was never in a drunk driving accident, I never even got a DUI (stumbling home on foot from dive bars solved that problem); the drunken brawls I was in usually happened at home with my ex, and there weren’t any arrests due to my insane behavior. The only person I was hurting by getting sloppy, blackout drunk seven days a week was me.

Or at least that’s the story I like to tell myself.

In reality, there were countless people affected by my drinking. From the landlords I didn’t pay and the employers I worked for while intoxicated to the innocent cashiers who had to help my slurring and sloppy ass at grocery stores and liquor stores and the cab drivers I would harass from the backseat, there were a slew of people taken down by my tequila-soaked tsunami. When you add those people to the list of family members, friends, coworkers, roommates, and neighbors who all suffered some sort of emotional fallout due to my drinking, the damage doesn’t look so minimal. It looks like a small town after a tornado.

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Respecting 'Sober Curious' Without Minimizing Alcoholism and Addiction

a post by Sean Mahoney for the World of Psychology blog



Somewhere in the drunken mess of 2002, I was curious to try the combination of vodka and Klonopin. Ditto, I was a curious little kitten when it came to what could possibly happen if I took acid and ecstasy at the same time! I was curiouser and curiouser about everything, from trying heroin to trying to buy cocaine instead of paying my rent. That’s the sort of curious that kept me in trouble for the better part of two decades, but curious to quit drinking because I just needed a break from partying and how it was affecting my life? Uh, not so much.

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My Life with an Alcoholic Parent (and 6 Addiction Myths)

a post by Ashley Sword for the Tiny Buddha blog



“Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you—to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.” ~Lori Deschene

Take a moment to look around where you are right now. Look at the people surrounding you, whether you’re in your office, a waiting room, or the line at the post office.

Statistically, one out of every eight American adults in your space is suffering with a substance abuse disorder.
[Looking around my home right now I can see two addicts, my husband and one of his mates, both drinking alcohol. This piece made hard reading but in the end I have chosen to stay with the marriage – I guess after getting on for 40 years it’ a habit!]

This person could be your next-door neighbor, your family doctor, your teacher, or a co-worker.

Out of more than 15 million people struggling, less than 8 percent reportedly have received treatment, according to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

Television shows and movies often lead us to believe that the people who suffer from addiction are the homeless, jobless people on the street who beg for money to feed their habit.

In some circumstances, this unfortunately is true, but I’ve learned that addiction can also be found in the people around you in your day-to-day life. Addiction doesn’t care which zip code you live in or what skin color you have. It doesn’t matter how much money you have in your bank account or what kind of position you hold within a company.

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Which Should We Treat First: Mental Illness or Addiction?

a post by Kristance Harlow for the World of Psychology blog



Substance use can alter behaviors, moods, and personalities so severely for people with addiction that without specialized knowledge and experience, it’s difficult to determine underlying causes such as mental illness or trauma.

I credit psychological intervention for pushing me into recovery from alcoholism.

Addiction is a mental illness, but is it one that needs to be treated before anything else? Or should we be stopping people from hitting their addiction bottom and helping them recover from their comorbid conditions concurrently?

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Alcoholics (Not So) Anonymous: A Mental Health Roadmap?

a post by Matthew Loeb for the World of Psychology blog



Maybe I should become an alcoholic.

Before you wonder whether I have had one too many gin and tonics, let me explain.

I have an uncle who has battled alcohol and drug issues for decades. When he believe a relapse is imminent, he attends an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. For him, AA has been a lifesaver, providing stability and support during particularly tumultuous times. In fact, he credits AA with his current sobriety.

For mental health sufferers, where is our “Alcoholics Anonymous?” More specifically, where is our support group for struggling individuals mired in the throes of a depressive episode? Or a relentless panic attack? A proverbial safe space where we — the 40 plus million Americans battling mental health issues — can share our mental health trials and tribulations without judgment.

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We All Make Mistakes, So Let’s Try to Remember the Good

a post by Jennifer Gregory for the Tiny Buddha blog



Julius Caesar has long been my favorite work of William Shakespeare. I am drawn to the political intrigue, the betrayal, the powerful words of Marc Antony.

One line from the play has always remained lodged in my mind:

“The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.”

The line often pops into my head when I feel unjustly persecuted or blamed. Shakespeare understood hundreds of years ago that human nature causes us to feel self-centered and unjustly targeted.

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